I Treat Myself To Regular Solo Dates And So Should You...
Full disclosure, I am not new to this Solo Dating lark I just didn’t know it was a thing that had a name. My introverted/extroverted self has loved my own company from a very young age. I am the type of person that has to be dragged out of my house but once I get there, I have the best time. Don’t get me wrong I like people but, some days I just don’t feel like peopling especially around individuals I don’t know. This is why Solo Dating is one of my number one go-to self-care strategies.
What is Solo Dating? A solo date is an intentional activity that you do alone, heavy on the intentional part, no friends, family, acquaintances you do it unapologetically by yourself. I feel it’s one of the best forms of self-care you can get. No arguments about where to go or waiting for friends in the group chat to confirm dates about that thing/place I have had on my bucket list for ages. Just me, myself and I.
The benefits of solo dating as a midlife woman, is that it forces you to get comfortable being alone with yourself and enjoy your own company occasionally. Choosing to treat yourself the way you would want somebody to treat you on a date is the ultimate act of love you can give to yourself, and you are worth that shit damn it! It also forces you to weave downtime into your life which is a much-needed form of self-care.
Want to get into a bit of Solo Dating and have no idea where to start. Don’t worry I have got you covered with my Solo Dating starter kit for newbies. First things first do not overthink and overcomplicate things. Start with things you like doing that are within you means and go with that.
Oooh but what if people think I am a Billy no mates? First, at our big age one of the key life lessons I have learned is that what people think of me is none of my business. I have been through too many struggles and challenges to care about other people’s opinions. However, I do understand that some of us vintage ladies have spent so long looking after everyone else except ourselves that being alone with themselves can feel completely alien. If this is you, I suggest something low-key to start off, picnic and book in a nice park but make it a treat, bring your favourite food, go your fave park. Indulge yourself. Another tip is to choose activities where there are other solo people, so you won’t feel so subconscious.
I just don’t know where to go. The good thing about Solo Dating is that it doesn’t have to be elaborate or cost the earth. Last week, when we had those two days of summer, I ventured into the big smoke and went to Harrods for a solo date which cost me nothing apart from my train fare. I had an absolute ball, window shopping and seeing how the other half live, laughing along with the tourists at the outrageously extra gold leaf croissants in the food hall. I also managed to get some lovely treats to take home that didn’t cost the earth. Can you believe a scone in Harrods is cheaper than my local farmers market? WTAF!
I feel guilty taking the time for myself. This is such a common theme for midlife women and in particularly my black sisters. What is it about us, or our upbringing that has led to the believe that we are not deserving or worthy of special treatment? I get it though, that use to be me before I saw the light and prioritised my health over hustle. It’s been instilled in us black women for so long that the only way to succeed in the diaspora is to work our fingers to the bone. Unfortunately, that played out narrative is harming our health and not bringing us peace, softness, and much needed joy in our lives. I say time to break those generational curses and patterns and start some new ones beginning with treating yourself with the utmost care and filling your cup up to the brim.
I can’t afford it. I know this cost-of-living situation is putting pressure on everyone’s wallet’s but so many activities can be done for free. Going to a local park or beach cost nothing. Spending time at a museum/ local event can also cost nothing. Do your research on free things to do in your area and get busy planning your first solo date.
If you are still struggling for inspiration below are my five of my favourite solo dates, I have been on to date:
Cinema I love a cinema date, but I go either early in the day or on a weekday when it’s cheaper and emptier. Also, there are no pesky teens talking and throwing popcorns. I buy my snacks; press recline on that seat and enjoy the massive HD screen and that surround sound.
Park Literally one of the solo dates I do on a regular. I have my favourite parks that I go to time and time again. Victoria Park in Hackney, London big up yourself! I will walk around that bad boy for an hour with my headphones - got to get those tunes and steps in. Then I sit by the lake, people and duck watching. Life doesn’t get any better on those days and it’s free!!
Spa Now I am not talking Champneys or Espa at The Corinthia but if you can afford it go get your relaxation on sister and invite me too. Seriously, most gyms will have a steam, sauna and or relaxation rooms. I sometimes go to the gym, not to workout but to use those facilities. I call it a relaxation day. I can’t tell you how good, lowered cortisol in my body feels on those days and I always sleep like a baby which is rare for me.
Now you know what solo dating is, what are you waiting for - schedule one today! Buy that nice outfit, go for a super luxury afternoon tea, book that pamper day. Whatever it is that you have always wanted to do, don’t wait any longer do You and do it NOW.